The Dooms Daily

Recent News

Politician Breaks Ground on ‘Thoughts and Prayers’ Memorial for Future Crises

In a bold step to “streamline compassionate response,” Senator Ron Cartwright announced today the groundbreaking of the nation’s first Thoughts and...

Local Candidate Promises to Bring Real Change by Doing Exactly What Everyone Else Is Doing

In a bold new take on campaign strategy, local city council candidate Amy Trumbull has promised to shake up the political scene by adhering strictly...

Congress Passes Law That’s Only Half a Sentence, Immediately Repeals It

In a move that political analysts are calling “remarkably on-brand,” Congress made history today by passing a law that consists of only half a...

Local Man Begins 3rd New Hobby of the Week, Family Reluctantly Feigns Support

In yet another twist to his year-long pursuit of self-discovery, local man Jason Hibbard, 38, has decided to take up his third new hobby of the week...

Doctors Recommend ‘Staring Blankly Into Space’ as Best Coping Mechanism for 2024

In response to an overwhelming rise in stress, anxiety, and general malaise, leading health experts have come forward to recommend a groundbreaking...

Study Finds Watching News As Effective for Stress Relief As Wrestling a Bear

In a startling new report from the Institute for Mental Wellness, researchers have found that watching the nightly news provides stress relief...

New Campaign Pledge: ‘I Promise to Keep Things Exactly as Chaotic as They Are Now’

In a bold, refreshingly honest campaign pledge, mayoral candidate Jim “Status Quo” Blakely has promised to maintain the current level of chaos...

New Study Reveals Planet Just Needs 10 More Committees to Fix Everything

A groundbreaking new study has emerged from the world’s top research institutions, confirming that humanity is only ten committees away from solving...

UN Agrees to Postpone the End of the World Until Monday

In a rare display of global unity, the United Nations has reached a landmark agreement to postpone the scheduled end of the world until Monday...